its 1:54 am, easter sunday. madeline has fallen asleep on the couch watching tv. i just saw an ad for a church. something about the integration of religion with modern technology and advertising seems very very wrong. i suppose if you buy into the "saving" aspect of it it makes sense, but for those of us who like christianity for the connection it gives with something thousands of years old, tv preachers and christian rock pyrotechnics really really take away from what makes it pleasant.

i guess i'm just easily ticked off. things shouldn't bother me so much. its why i'm not much of a socializer. if i don't like being around some one, then i can't stand being around them. any one who i spend time with should feel comfortable that i really really enjoy their company, because otherwise i wouldn't bother. i don't try to branch out. i don't flirt. i don't expand my horizons. i just am comfortable with a painfully slowly growing small circle of friends.

of all the irritating aspects of religion, teen christianity bothers me the most. not the real kind. this girl i know, amy, is one of the few "very christian" christian young people i know who don't seem to be treating it like a social club or another fad either. my catholic friends are pretty low-key about the whole issue as well. but thats about it. when our local on-campus religious group (we're a private school) gets together, are they really looking for a spiritual outlet, or is it, at a sub-concious level, just another popular club. like interact, the service orginization that most people are in because it looks good to colleges and their friends are in it. i've talked to these people. they don't really care enough about the poor to give up that many hours of their lives. teen christianity is at something like a sixty year high. but so are drug use and pregnancy and all of that. on the average, id say the people i know who say "jesus" a lot drink more than the average.

im tired and i have to wake up early tomorrow, i don't know why i'm writing this. someones going to get angy, and its just so painfully angry outsider teen-ish. but i'm not. because, i don't dislike the people i don't enjoy socializing with. i don't hate anybody. even the one person who i thaught i did, theres even positives in him. i'm not anti religios. i don't even think i'm an athiest anymore. i'm not christian, but i certainly don't have anything against christianity. when used correctly, it gives a lot of people a lot of hope and a lot of assurance, and can help with charity and brotherly spirit. but this 90's type of teen group-bonding religion, as well as the really psycho evangelical kind bothers me. its quite obviosly the insincerity of the first that puts me off, and the second gets me because its so... wrong. not morally, but historically. my grandmother grew up in an extremely religion family, in an extremely religious small town. nobody ever went around asking "have you been saved" "have you found jesus" they celebrated halloween. it seems that in an effort to restore society to what it once was, certain churches have turned christianity into a social code that would be unrecognizable to their parents.

and the whole anti-homosexual and anti-abortion uses of christianity. i don't understand the christians who are really angry about them. one of the best parts of the whole deal is how any sinner, any human being, can be saved by jesus despite the sins. yes the bible says these things are sinful, but then again so are adultary and lieing. do you see angry crouds building outside of motels and legal offices? if all sins are equal in the eyes of god, shouldn't the petty theft of your son anger you as much as his classmate's homosexual feelings? in one of the truly crazy chick tracts, this minister goes into prison and makes this mass murderer convert to jesus. couldn't an abortion doctor get saved too then?

well... it's late.

well i saw the concert and it was awesome and i actually talked to Stephen Merrit (singer, songwriter of the fields) here was the conversation in its entirity:

me: pardon me, are you who i think you are?

stephen: [pauses] [looks at me] no.

i'm sure it was him (he was the guy that walked out on stage later) but who cares if he was an asshole? the show was awesome! even when they screwed up one of the songs, it was awesome! and i had played frisbee golf earlier, and i got my SAT scores back (they were good). it was the best day ever. whew... man... i've got a lot of homework tomorrow.

i need to start running again... i haven't put on running shoes since october, and summers is coming soon. i'm putting together a number of photos from the past year, i'll put some of them up. i'm also considering yet another re-design which may happen in about a month. we have today and tomorrow off from school for passover and easter, and tomorrow is THE MAGNETIC FIELDS CONCERT which will be the greatest thing of all time. if they let me bring a camera i will. but everyone on earth needs to own their "69 Love Songs" triple album. i can't describe it... you just have to own it.

i'm sorry for not updating more often. i cannot believe i completely forgot to write about the play. in our schools production of "the merry wives of windsor" i played a servant, a stagehand, and a farie. it was fun and the production went well. after the last night, there was a small party and andrea's. good food and decent to good music. afterwords there was la large group of people at the waffle house. we intended to go laugh at the drag queens outside of the 40 watt (there being some drag queen deal happening then) but that got canceled. in less than a week, me john and anne are going to see the MAGNETIC FIELDS. it will be the greatest event of all time.

Happy birthday Madeline, Happy birthday Tom. My brother and sister ( they are twins ) turn 15 tomorrow, which is crazy, because as far as i am concerned they are still about 8. For madelines birthday me her and a bunch of kids from school went out to eat at one of Athens' MANY MANY MANY mexican restauraunts, Compadres. Nelle, who is just awesome, got her the coolest present ever, every single chick tract crazy funny fundamentalist brain wash propoganda cartoons! (if i ever learn to hack, i'll take them down FIRST.) The party was fun and eveything, i need to get madeline and tom a present. i'll get tom some sort of art thing, if i can find a how to draw anime book, then that would be awesome. i don't know what to get madeline. a cd seems a little impersonal right now. that is all goodnight, for i'm taking the SAT tomorrow morning.

ok what has happened... i went to jason keller's birthday party at china hing express. that was fun. me mark darius erik madeline and nelle went to the UHS afterword and had fun with dollars on strings and hippies in town for the widespread concert. this was all last friday. since then... hrm... well i got governor's honors, which means i get to take math for six weeks this summer. i'm looking forward to it actually. that's about all. i've elected to go to JCL (state latin club) instead of prom. our school dances really suck.